


you tell me that your tears are here to stay (i just wanna see ya)

by PaisleyLove96



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Zayn, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Triggers, enjoy, idk man, it's just kinda a gratuitious feels bomb, like this is so fluff that they don't even kiss, literally 2k of angst and fluff, um shiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-04 06:20:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1077637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyLove96/pseuds/PaisleyLove96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn doesn't want to be left alone.<br/>He needs Liam.<br/>Literally it.</p><p>Enjoy</p><p>aka</p><p>I wrote this in less than two hours what is my life i might edit this later but probably not oh well</p>
            </blockquote>





	you tell me that your tears are here to stay (i just wanna see ya)

**Author's Note:**

> mate i don't know what to tell you  
> this is a 2k transcription of a handwritten feels bomb that is so gratuitous i wanna vomit.
> 
> Obligatory Disclaimer:  
> This is fiction. Yes, what a shock.  
> I don't know the boys because trust me if i did i would not be writing fanfiction about them because that would be super awkward.  
> I'm not making assumptions about any of the boys or the boys families/friends/partners and their personality/personas/sexuality etc. mainly because it is not by business.  
> If you happen to be one of the boys/know them firstly, hi there! secondly, i'm not gonna stop you reading but i am not responsible for any psychological harm/ general weirdness you will suffer from.  
> All factual/grammatical errors are mine (of which there are plenty)  
> k thanks bye.

Zayn used to think that he preferred handling things on his own.  
  
Well, more to the point, Zayn used to think that he could handle things on his own.  
  
He thought that it was easier that way. That he wasn’t burdening anyone else with his problems. That he was stronger because he could handle this problem alone.  
  
He didn’t need anyone.  
  
Until, he realised, that maybe he did.  
  
It was the third or fourth week of X-Factor when Zayn noticed what was happening.  
  
He didn’t worry because he knew he was strong enough to handle it alone, that’s what he had always done.  
  
And he did handle it, until it was 2am and he realized that his mum wasn’t there for him to talk to and he realized how much he used to rely in his mum when he got like this.  
  
Somehow, she was the only one who could help him properly. Not even he could handle it.  
  
But he had no choice, so he had to try to get through it alone.  
  
And he had.  
  
Just.  
  
It was then that Zayn knew that his mum wasn’t always going to be around. That to rely on her alone was dangerous.  
But at least he had the boys. They didn’t know exactly what Zayn was doing, but Zayn knew that they noticed. They always noticed.  
  
They noticed when Zayn was properly quiet, not that “moody and mysterious” bullshit the media and fans had thrown on him.  
  
And they noticed when him not leaving his bed was less of a “don’t want to do it” and more of a “literally can’t do it right now”.  
  
So in their own little way they noticed, and tried to help.  
  
Louis would sit on the end of Zayn’s bunk and whisper quietly about not important things just to distract him and make sure he never truly was left out of the loop.  
  
Harry would hover, constantly asking ‘Do you need a drink?’ ‘Do you wanna go to the shops?’ ‘Hey, I was thinking about a FIFA game, you wanna join?’ But it was never overbearing, just enough to let Zayn know that he was always there.  
  
Niall would listen to music with him. Let it play soft and slow in the communal lounge at the back of the bus at 2am. Lying side by side, staying still and silent because sometimes Niall just knows that it’s hard to feel alone when there’s someone in the dark with you.  
  
And then there’s Liam.  
Fucking Liam.  
  
Liam, who always knows that sometimes Zayn feels two seconds away from floating off or crumbling into a heap.  
  
Liam, the only one who knows that when this happens Zayn needs to be physically anchored down, so he’ll run his fingers through the length of Zayn’s hair or wrap his hand tightly around Zayn’s wrist, no matter where they are.  
  
And maybe Zayn didn’t realise how much he truly relied on Liam’s anchors until right now.  
  
The boys don’t really know the truth. No-one does. Zayn’s knows that his mum has her suspicions and Liam does to.  
  
Because Zayn’s seen the way Liam look at him when someone mentions mental illnesses, knows that Liam hold him a little tighter when the ads come on the telly. Not to mention, he’s seen Liam looking up surveys and information when he thinks Zayn isn’t looking.  
  
So maybe Liam knows.  
  
Not that there is anything official to know, but Zayn knows that these moods come too often and too strongly to be healthy.  
  
But he can handle it because he always has someone.  
  
Well, he always _had_ someone.  
  
Right now he’s completely alone because he’s decided to sleep on the bus while the rest of them slept in the hotel.  
Usually at least Louis would have stayed out here with him, but Eleanor had just flown down and they’re no doubt taking full advantage of their own private hotel room.  
  
So Zayn was alone and he honestly cannot believe that he used to want this. That he used to think that the never ending silence and solitude was a good idea.  
  
Because now here he is, curled into a miserable little ball under a thick wool blanket and practically suffocating underneath the weight of his mind. Drowning under the one loud never ending voice that tells him  
  
 _Failure. You deserve to feel like this. Stupid. You deserve to be alone. Useless. Don’t deserve the fame. Worthless. Don’t deserve the boys. Untalented. Don’t deserve happiness. Alone._  
  
By now, Zayn has rough, hot tears forming in his eyes as his hands clutch either side of his head, wishing for it to stop.  
  
 _Worthless._

  


Zayn’s hands tighten even more so around his head as he flings himself so he’s right up against the bus wall, trying to contain himself. Hold himself together.  
  
 _Useless._  
  
He reluctantly takes one hand off of his head and reaches down into the pocket of his worn hoodie, praying that his phone is still in there. Zayn sighs a little in relief as his fingers wrap around the cool metal.  
  
 _Failure._  
  
Bringing the phone up closer to his face, Zayn winces at the bright light of the screen and presses 3 on his speed dial.  
 _Stupid._  
  
The phone rings.  
  
It rings and rings and rings until Zayn is certain no one will pick up at all.  
  
 _Unwanted._  
  
But then someone does pick up.  
  
“Hello?” the sleep heavy voice mumbles, “Zayn? You there?”  
  
Zayn tries to reply, honestly he does, but it feels like his throat has closed up.  
  
“Zayn? What the hell man, it’s like 2am.” The voice pauses, almost as if the person is running a head across their face, “Dude, I swear to god if you’ve bloody butt dialed me at-”  
  
 _Annoying._  
  
“ _Liam._ ” Zayn chokes out, voice catching in a sob as tries to talk through his tears.  
  
 _Why are you always so annoying?_  
  
“Zayn?” Liam sounds more alert now and Zayn can picture him sitting up in bed, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes  
  
 _Why don’t you just leave them alone?”_  
  
“Zayn, are you alright?”  
  
There’s a pause and Zayn can do nothing more than let out another soft strangled cry.  
  
“Zayn, where are you? Are you still on the bus?” Zayn can hear shuffling the shuffling of sheets in the background.  
  
 _Just leave them all alone. They don’t need you around._  
  
Zayn curls himself back up into a ball, phone resting on the pillow right beside his head. He’s crying steadily know, but the tears are a little quieter now. ,still loud enough for Liam to hear him though.  
  
“Zayn, I’m in the elevator. I’m going to get there as soon as I can, okay? Just gotta try to get out. Unlock the bus door. I’ll be as fast as I can. Promise.”  
  
“Li-Liam”  
  
“Hold on, Zayn. I’ll be there.”

  


_He’ll be there. Liam will be here. Liam will be here and he can fix this._  
  
He hangs up the phone but keeps a tight grip on it, not quite ready to let it go as he moves slowly off of the bunk, a blanket wrapped cape-like around him.  
  
His face is tear streaked and the sleeve of his hoodie comes away damp when he rubs at his eyes distractedly, heading down the hallway and unlocking the bus door.  
  
 _Liam will be here soon._  
  
So Zayn waits.  
  
He watches the door, and then the clock on his phone.  
  
And he waits, but then it’s been fifteen minutes and Liam hasn’t come.  
  
 _Liam isn’t here._  
  
Zayn is alone.  
  
Properly alone.  
  
 _Liam lied. Liam isn’t coming. You’re all alone. Again._  
  
Zayn can feel his knees buckle as he sinks to the floor pathetically. Huddles against the hallway door and wrapped in a blanket and- fuck, he’s crying again.  
  
 _Crying like a baby. Pathetic. Little. Baby._  
  
Because that’s what he is.  
  
Pathetic and useless and unwanted.  
  
Unwanted by the band.  
  
Unwanted by his family.  
  
Unwanted by Liam.  
  
 _Liam._  
  
Zayn reaches across his body, wrapping his arms tightly around his middle because goddamn if he doesn’t feel like he’s about to fall apart.  
  
 _Just give in._  
  
So he pinches his sides and grits his teeth and tries to hold on.  
  
=  
  
That’s how Liam finds him a minute or so later.  
  
“Zayn!” Liam calls, knocking once on the door before barreling straight in and almost tripping over the lump that is Zayn.  
  
When Liam realises this he drops to the floor immediately, reaching out towards where Zayn’s small form is curled on the ground.  
  
“Fuck, Zayn.” Liam whispers emphatically, reaching out to cradle Zayn’s head, pulling him closer. “I got held up by security. I’m sorry. _Fuck._ ”  
  
Liam is a solid reassuring weight, steady and strong and the anchor that Zayn needs so when Liam pulls him properly into his lap, Zayn wastes no time making sure he’s touching as much of him as possible.  
  
Liam has tucked his head into the crook of Zayn’s neck, strong arms encircling his waist as he asks, “What’s wrong, Zayn? Let me fix it.”  
  
“Thought you- Thought you weren’t coming. Thought I was alone.” Zayn chokes out, “Always alone.”

  


Except for now. Now he has Liam.  
  
Now he has Liam, who is rocking them slowly, whispering into Zayn’s neck, his lips brushing lightly on skin as he says ‘Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m here now. I’m here.”

  


And Zayn knows that so he says, “But you’re here now. You fixed it.”  
  
His hands flutter along Liam’s forearms and up to his shoulders, scrambling for purchase along his torso until finally setting tangled in the hem of Liam’s sleep shirt.  
  
Liam lets out a long sigh and grips Zayn tighter.  
  
=  
  
Neither of them really knows how long they sit there, but eventually Liam shifts the tiniest bit from where they are on the floor and mumbles something about “Sleeping in an actual bed.”  
  
So they both slowly untangle themselves from Zayn’s blanket and from each other and move onto the bunk bed.  
  
When they finally settle, Liam on his back with Zayn on his side, an arm haphazardly thrown over Liam’s waist and their legs entangled, Liam finally asks, “What _was that,_ Zayn?”  
  
Zayn is silent for almost a full minute before he exhales slowly and says, “ It just gets that way sometimes. I think too much about stupid things . But I’m usually not alone. It’s usually not that bad.”  
  
Liam shifts the arm lying underneath Zayn, bending it enough that he can reach up and run his fingers softly through the hair at the back of Zayn’s neck.  
  
“But then you came,” Zayn continues, “and, like… I don’t know.” He ducks his head, grateful for the dark in hiding the embarrassed flush on his cheeks. “It’s just, when you’re here, when you touch me, you’re the only thing I can think about. My mind goes quiet and the voice that tells me all this crap is gone and it’s just you. “  
  
Zayn tilts his chin, looking up at Liam in the darkness.  
  
“You save me and you don’t even realise.”  
  
There’s a long silence after that, but it’s comfortable. Liam isn’t asleep because his fingers are still stroking slowing through Zayn’s hair.  
  
Zayn however, is on the brink of sleep when he feels Liam softly touch where Zayn’s hand is lying over his hip and link their fingers together.  
  
This means that he also feels Liam press a gentle kiss to the top of his head and whisper, “You’re never alone Zayn, not while I’m here.”  
  
So Zayn falls asleep wrapped around Liam and knowing that he’s not really alone and that whenever he feels lost or tired or like the world is caving in, Liam will be there.  
  
And that’s really all he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello yes if you made it to the end congrats.  
> Please leave any comments you feel are necessary.  
> Also let me know any major errors.  
> Or just talk to me.  
> I am also always taking requests, so yeah.  
> i love you. You're awesome.  
> find me on tumblr at lou-makemetea.tumblr.com  
> -N Xx


End file.
